I have been jonesin’ for a chocolate pudding pie ever since I ovulated I realized Valentine’s Day was coming. I went to the grocery store on VD Eve and got all the ingredients I thought it would take to make a pudding pie from scratch. Lists schmists.
I eyed the boxes of Jell-o pudding and the pre-made graham cracker crusts, but the multi-syllabic, non-pronounceable ingredients in instant pudding hurt my stomach. They would not live up to my fantasy. I was jonesin’ for homemade, flaky crust, creamy pudding and all natural whipped cream. I’ve never had pie as good as the pie I was imagining. But I was about to.
Once I had my ingredients, I went online and searched for a recipe. The first dozen or so used instant pudding. FAIL. But fortunately I found a recipe for pudding made from scratch. To make things even easier, it was a Martha Stewart video! I could SEE how to make the pudding by someone who clearly knows her desserts!!!
As soon as I brought Martha Stewart into my kitchen, however, I could feel her judging me. That first pie crust I made was not going to be good enough. I could hear her tsk tsking over my shoulder. I did not want to have to put up with “I told you so” when I took my first bite. It would ruin the rest of the pie-eating experience. So I dumped it and started over. Martha agreed that that was a wise decision. The second pie crust was perfect. A nice, even tan when I pulled it out of the oven. She took all the credit by making it sound like it was her idea when the camera man zoomed in on her.
Martha guilted me into tossing the first crust. Bitch, please!
I mixed all the ingredients for the filling and whisked them constantly with the burner on medium, just like she said. She was very proud of my obedience and my attention to detail. I was determined to leave no room for her criticism. And waste all that chocolate?
When the pie crust cooled, I poured in the filling and put it in the fridge to set overnight.
Valentine’s Day I woke up and remembered my true love: “THE PIE!”
This pie should be written about in the Bible. Jesus turned loaves of bread into fishes, water into wine. He could walk on water. But could he take a slice of pie and then another, and another, and make it look like he never touched it?? Could he?? COULD HE???
You can't even tell that I took three pieces of this pie. It is Holy Pie.
My pie skillz are nothing short of miraculous. They make my husband want to say “I Do” all over again. I think that’s what he meant when he said, “Let’s try that again.”
Happy Valentine's Day, Honey!! I made you a pie fit for a king!
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