My 13-year old: “This town is the perfect place for a zombie invasion.”
Me: (rolling eyes…here we go…) “Why?”
My 13-year old: “Because it has a huge cemetery and no wifi.”
We pulled into my parent’s driveway in Clayton, New York at about 9:30pm last night. I couldn’t wait to jump out, recharge my laptop and upload the pictures I took on the road. Not being able to get a signal on the four-hour trek between Elmira and Clayton threw a wrench in my plans to get a blog to my web guru by the afternoon. Here it was the end of the day and still nothing. I ran inside, clicked on Safari, and got one bar. I couldn’t load the photos from the drive and post my blog. The signal was too weak.
While I unpacked the car I made a mental list of the businesses in town where I might be able to mooch some wifi. Bertrand’s Motel. Surely, they must have wifi. I drove into town with my laptop atop my lap. “It’s going to be okay,” I told it. “We’ll find you a signal.”
No Wifi Motel
Pulled into Bertrand’s and parked next to a green truck, pulling forward close to a motel room door without trapping anyone in their room with my front bumper. No signal. Dang it! I pulled into the parking across the street, between the coffee shop and a Citgo. Bingo! Five bars. The rush! I loaded my pics and submitted my first on-the-road blog. Live on location, reporting from the field. Yes!
I wrote to my web guru: “I had to drive to the only coffee shop in town and park in their parking lot to get a signal. I feel like a loser. I am sitting in my car with the engine running and my headlights on and my doors locked. I am the only one out of their home for miles.”
At 5:30am when I woke up I wanted to go back to the coffee shop. I waited patiently for them to open so I could write my morning blog with a mug of coffee. I was jonesin’ to get online. Not to mention a good cup of coffee would be nice.
I went inside with my laptop, took a window seat, clicked on Safari. Nothing. What? It worked last night. Why not today? I scarfed down my breakfast, picked up my laptop and went out to the curb where I had parked the night before. Surely I can still get a signal in the exact spot I had five bars just eight hours ago. Yes! Five bars! The curb was my friend. I checked my email.
There’s a reply from my web guru: “Where are you?”
Wifi Curb
I reply: “East Bumphuck. I’m sitting on the curb outside the coffee shop that I thought would offer an internet connection with a side of coffee. It DID NOT!!! The coffee was weak, too.
I am returning to this curb later to post tomorrow’s blog. The signal at my mom’s house is weak. We’ve tried everything. It feels like a lack of oxygen not being connected 24/7. I am not sure how this is going to affect me long term but short term I am of questionable sanity. As if I wasn’t beforehand.
Tomorrow, we leave East Bumphuck Clayton and drive to the Catskill Mountains to go camping with my whole family and their kids. I’m wondering how the mountains are going to interfere with a signal and how I will post the camping blogs.
I have a friend who downloaded Netzero on a laptop so he could login by connecting via the phone lines in the laundry room of a campground. I thought we were good friends. Good friends tell each other which campground laundry room. I can see myself now, driving all over the Catskills looking for a laundry room with phone lines so I can get a signal. It’s bad enough I’m watching the odometer and making a mental note every time I see a cell tower, a coffee shop, a hotel that boasts of wifi.
We walk through quaint little towns, decked out in flower boxes and flags to celebrate the Fourth of July. Instead of taking pictures of this Americana I’m walking up and down the sidewalk, eyeing each store I walk by, thinking: I bet they have wifi. I bet they don’t. They don’t. They might. Nope. Nope. Doubt it. Nope.
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