I’m downsizing. I weaned off of my prescription for anxiety now that I don’t need it anymore. It was making my ADHD worse because it suppresses dopamine. But now I keep trying to shove other stuff in my brain. I keep trying to tweak it, to feel better, then feel better than that. I’ll use anything, food, caffeine, music, movies. I tried meds for ADHD. I tried wellbutrin briefly but it kicked my neuroreceptors’ butt. I would have preferred a gentle nudge. I tried herbs that have to build up in my system before I notice a change. Like I’m going to be patient enough to wait for that.
I went in for outpatient surgery yesterday. No further information about that surgery is available. Sorry. Suffice it to say my boobs are the same size and I still look 46. Which is a bummer because I am 46.
They gave me a bottle of painkillers. I told them I don’t need pain medication. I said it in a way that was obvious that this is a woman who should not have painkillers in her possession, not while I’m in replacement mode. Something that makes me feel that good should only be given to me on an as needed basis. I would only need one. They gave me 30 tablets.
On I-270, in afternoon traffic, with only two exits to go, the analgesic shot wore off abruptly. Every muscle in my body was braced for the full effect of the pain, especially the muscles controlling the gas pedal. Each bumper I rode to hurry home and take a painkiller worried me. If I crash this car, that’s really going to delay pain relief. I’m going to have to flee the scene of the accident, get a pain pill and then return.
I contemplated calling my husband from the road and asking him to get the glass of water ready so I didn’t waste any time getting that pain med into my bloodstream as soon as I walked in the door. Every second counted.
Today, the pain is nothing ibuprofen can’t fix. I flushed the 29 remaining pills. They are now in our water supply. You can thank me the next time you get a drink of water and it makes you feel relaxed. Just be careful not to operate any heavy machinery. I think by heavy machinery they mean a minivan.
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