When my new neighbor was looking at houses in our new neighborhood, the blurb for the one she bought said “Mature Upscale”. We keep repeating that and laughing.
The downside of a Mature Upscale neighborhood is that you get neighbors who drive by and see you but don’t wave. Instead, they adjust their sunglasses with the hand bearing a saucer-sized ring. Meet my ring.
“That’s a pretty mature upscale ring!” I want to shout. It’s gaudy, actually, like her front door. I can tell which driveway she pulled out of because the ornate rod iron door is of the same taste as that ring.
It’s bound to happen. I’m going to bump into her at some point. And when I do, I want to make sure I make a good impression. If there’s one thing that I excel at, it’s making a good first impression. So I ordered this ring:
Shockingly, it’s only $5.99. But it just says “money” to me. It comes with a matching necklace. I know what you’re thinking. The necklace is a giant glitzy clock. But you’re wrong. The necklace is a giant glitzy dollar sign. A coordinating set! I am so going to blend!!
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