When my new neighbor was looking at houses in our new neighborhood, the blurb for the one she bought said “Mature Upscale”. We keep repeating that and laughing.
The downside of a Mature Upscale neighborhood is that you get neighbors who drive by and see you but don’t wave. Instead, they adjust their sunglasses with the hand bearing a saucer-sized ring. Meet my ring.
“That’s a pretty mature upscale ring!” I want to shout. It’s gaudy, actually, like her front door. I can tell which driveway she pulled out of because the ornate rod iron door is of the same taste as that ring.
It’s bound to happen. I’m going to bump into her at some point. And when I do, I want to make sure I make a good impression. If there’s one thing that I excel at, it’s making a good first impression. So I ordered this ring:
Shockingly, it’s only $5.99. But it just says “money” to me. It comes with a matching necklace. I know what you’re thinking. The necklace is a giant glitzy clock. But you’re wrong. The necklace is a giant glitzy dollar sign. A coordinating set! I am so going to blend!!
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I do hope you find some like-minded neighbors. If you just go for the necklace you may start a trend for Ayn Rand fans — it was the symbol of choice in Atlas Shrugged.
You are so money! You need a shiny grill to go with it. But you’ll have to go to a downscale dentist.
Congrats on your new digs! Mature upscale sounds pretty sweet to me!
as the young people say. LMAO.
Hi Amy, thanks for making me laugh. * ( ^
(lol) Hi Amy, I thought I should let you know you are not alone laughing at your Upscale Mature Neighborhood blog.
I’ll say it again, I love your blog! Wish you were my neighbor. Now, just bling out your girl cave and throw wild parties in there…the neighbors will have to lighten up.
I love that and should have rocked it in my old neighborhood. We moved to a funky laid back community where I do not need to be mature or upscale…thank God! My kids would have me thrown out of that hood real fast – no matter how much bling. You know – puke and all the other nasty stucky stuff that is all over my hands and clothes does not exactly look good with a saucer sized ring!
You rock. I can’t wait until she meets you and your upscale style.
why look at you? fitting in so nicely with your neighbors.
It comes so naturally!
I say get a ‘67 Impala, trick it out with hydros, a massive system, and those lights that shine from underneath the car, throw on some gangsta rap, and then drive around the neighborhood mad dogging everyone you see. That’ll make them rethink their upscale nonsense.
Yo Yo, You are so gonna rock that bling-assed neighbourhood. I hope you got a Hummer to go with that hardware.
A pimped out Hummer, fo’ sho’.
Everyone has the right idea here: ring, necklace, earrings, pin, hair comb (NICE one,Amber!! *high blingy five*).
But how about also the matching DOOR KNOCKER??!! `:-D Huh? Huh??
The grill!
Amber’s right, get the whole set. Remember, you’re trying to blend in.
And watch to see what the neighbor’s kids are wearing. You want to be sure that the boys have just the right tastefully preworn t-shirts and jeans.
Don’t forget to order the matching earrings and bracelet!!! Oh, and maybe a lovely, decorative pin or comb to wear in your hair as well, LOL!
From a former saucer sized ring bearer,
Remember the cost of that ring is usually the giver has no love behind it. He is to caught up in himself and his pride to be able to show true love so he compensates for his small self in a BIG Ring. LOL
Love ya,
Haha! That really made me laugh out loud. I’m glad at least you didn’t choose anything vulgar, but stayed within the clear boundaries of mature upscale taste.
That’s funny, Amy, since I KNOW where you live.
You so crack me up. And, as they say, there goes the neighborhood!
Oh honey you get your bling on!
Why wait to bump in to her? Really, you can change the neighborhood quote, make it “friendly mature upscale” and wave your bling everytime you go buy, real friendly like.
The words “mature” and “upscale” both immediately disqualify me for any shot at residency. But, I’m so excited to hear all about the reaction to your new bling, LOL!!
I know. That should have been the red flag for me, right there.