You know how on Oprah when she’s interviewing someone who just dropped 150 pounds, she’ll ask, “What was your ah-hah moment, the moment you decided to take action?” Like Jeopardy, I shout out the answer before the contestant: “What is a photograph!”
Sure enough, The Photograph taken of her at a party, wearing stripes that go the wrong way, and spandex stretch pants that accentuate the plate of food on her lap, is plastered on a giant screen and the audience gasps and then applauds. The interviewee sensory overloads, first from visual humiliation, then auditory congratulations, and dabs her giant tears with a tissue.
Sometimes I walk around my house with a camera and take pictures. I’m running my own little HGTV before and after movie in my head. I photograph pockets of what my friend Ann calls House Blindness — when you get used to living with something ugly. Then I clean them up and take “after pictures” and feel good about myself.
Ann’s boyfriend, Dana, solved a problem to the unfinished deck in her backyard by putting an upside down bucket to make a temporary step. She said, “Don’t put that there.” He said, “What? Then when people go in and out they don’t have to strain themselves climbing up onto the deck.” Ann said, “I know, but that’s how people get house blindness. Next thing you know, we’ll get used to using the bucket as a step and it will seem like the deck is finished. We’ll become blind to it. Subconsciously, building the step will get scratched off our to-do list.”
Nothing like still photography to open your eyes to what you or your house or your life has become. I clicked on the “Photo Booth” software on my Mac that sits on a table in my bedroom. I hate how I look through that tiny little lens on my monitor. It’s never flattering. When did I get all these wrinkles that make me look angry when I’m not?
But this time, it was what was behind me that made me feel old. Over my shoulder was a section of my bedroom. My unmade bed exposed a heating pad I slept on last night to loosen up my stiff shoulders that rebel against cold weather louder and earlier each winter. On the nightstand was a tube of arnica ointment for sore muscles and joints, a jar of progesterone cream, a bottle of chaste berry tablets that I’m supposed to take in the morning to balance my hormones, and a box of Q-tips, because somewhere between 40 and 46 my sinuses started leaking into my eustachian tubes at night while I sleep. It’s not as sexy as it sounds.
It’s the only thing that leaks so far. Maybe I should post this picture on the internet. One day I’ll look back and say, “Wow, I had it good back then.”
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Masochism! Pure masochism! Break that camera, tear up all the photographs! Repeat after me: “My house is spotless, I’m young and beautiful!”
My house is spotless, I’m young and beautiful. My house is spotless, I’m young and beautiful. My house is spotless….when does this mantra actually manifest??
I have more than 1 leak…and last year, I started noticing really manly looking hair in places I should NOT have it (a few on my chin, a couple wild hairs near my nipples) ARGH! Baby, you do have it good right now!!
Loved, loved, loved this post!
Swati
I’m going to need some photographic evidence, Swati. Only truth is spoken here (choke cough cough choke) and I’m just sayin…..I’ll need to verify some of those statements you made. Just for….you know…ethics.
This is so funny because I have almost all of those items too. Well, maybe its not so funny after all, but hey, ya just gotta laugh sometimes.
Well, hey there, sexy!!
Hi Amy, you know you make smile nearly everyday. But today you made me think..”yes..I am turning into an old lady.” Of course this is supported by the fact that I was 46 on the 22nd February and that I have creaky joints, have stopped having periods and have a number of grey hairs, can’t understand nor abide hearing ‘modern’ music and have become terribly fond of the phrase ‘in my day….’. Yes I am an old lady, the evidenced is stacked up. I’m getting my camera out to record my descent into decrepitude.!!
Funny that both our posts today touched on a few similarities… the pain thing. LOL. I’ve heard lots of people swear by Vitamin D. I started taking it last year, but I do good for a few months, then I get out of the habit of taking it. Like my allergy pills. I do the same thing with them. I hate taking pills. But I’m resolved, I’m going to start taking the Vitamin D again. Thanks for the reinforcement, and thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.
Ooh, I should do that picture-taking thing around my apartment to inspire me to clean it up. I’m kind of scared of what I don’t see anymore.
It is shocking. Sometimes I feel like I have it out for myself when I go around the house with a camera.
Waaaah! My question to myself many mornings is:”Why do I look puffy & hung over when I got to bed on time & have had nothing to drink??”
Cruel mirror!!
I can relate. A few years ago, I wrote a column about how I was cleaning the bathroom mirror and was surprised to see my mother’s face looking back at me. ;O)
God, yes! I look back at my wedding pictures. I was 21. Sure that I was fat and ugly. HAH! I didn’t know the meaning of fat then!
Funny!!!