Are you frustrated with the high cost of air travel? Feeling violated by excessive handling costs? Tired of being boned on baggage fees?
Theresa writes:
“I can’t believe what the airlines charge, plus they add on fees for baggage check in. When did they start that?? That is why I drive…”
Well, Theresa! Don’t take another scamcation again! The money you save using my creative travel tips, can be better spent on a bottle of French wine, perhaps a matelot? Those are delicious. Some foie gras? And a nice bagette, perhaps?
Everybody knows the cheapest fares can be found online by comparison shopping among dozens of smarmy reliable websites. But, ladies, are you aware that handling fees can be dropped if you wear a low-cut top and tip the guy at the ticket counter? Even then, you’re still parting with hard earned cash that you could be spending on a young, Frenchman merlot.
Well, not anymore! Start taking advantage of my money-saving travel tips today!
Next time you’re at the ticket counter, bend over to tie your shoe while the ticket counter guy is looking down your low-cut shirt. That’s how you get him to tip you. Money you didn’t have before you were unleashed in the airport.
How about those ridiculous baggage fees?!!! Did you know American Airlines charges $25 for the first bag and $35 for the second? United thinks nothing of charging $175 for a bag over 50 lbs?
Baggage fees are one travel expense I’ve learned to shed altogether, and just look at all the places I’ve been able to visit with the money I’ve saved with my “Leave your luggage at home!” motto.
Here I am, vacationing in France. Even when it’s a little chilly, you won’t miss your clothes. Simply bring the hotel sheets with you on any outings in case there’s a slight breeze. Plus, you never know when you’ll need to take a break on a cold cement pedastol.
Here’s me in Italy, desperately trying to recall all the restaurants Elizabeth Gilbert visited when she was in Italy, so I could order all the same dishes she describes so deliciously in Eat Pray Love. Like many of her readers mostly interested in the “Eat” section of the book, I’ve been craving a trip to Italy. The extra benefit to traveling sans luggage is that it doesn’t matter how much weight you gain. Elizabeth Gilbert brought luggage. And you know what? After eating all that pasta, none of her clothes fit. She had to buy a whole new wardrobe. Talk about your unexpected travel costs!
BEWARE! There are a lot of tourist traps you will want to avoid. You can get tangled up in them for what seems like an eternity. That’s the last time we’ll go to the Vatican City at the height of tourist season. We thought we’d never break away.
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Doesn’t work well for men. I tried your shoe tying and eye-batting techniques, but they called security (when I bunched up my man boobs) and gave me a cavity search. Double standards indeed! Just glad they didn’t offer me a premium room at the Guantanamo Bay Inn for that kind of terror. I face the fact that I am not a pretty man.
Oh, oh, oh! We could sell t-shirts!
I flew here, and I’m wearing the same stinking shirt to prove it!
But it would only work if the t-shirts were invisible!
This one made me laugh and almost spit out my expensive Starbucks vanilla latte. These coffees are a bit overpriced. I must say that I am honored to have inspired this very amusing blog. You even quoted me. yay! This blog has inspired me to leave my bra at home on my next Delta trip. Maybe I will get free lunch too.
If you play your cards right on the flight, you might be able to land with more money then you had when you boarded the plane!!
Thanks for posting it on your FB update, Theresa!!!!! You ROCK!
Too funny! Thank you!!!
I’d stopped flying long before they started charging for bags I just don’t do hassle very well. I’d much rather drive and all the places I want to go are in North America anyway so I’m set!
If I decide to see Europe some day I’ll be sure to follow your advice. Should be interesting because by the time I can go there I’ll probably be about 80 years old.
good one! haha, the visual aids to emphasize were sheer genius, lass!
The couple on the bikes in London looked uncomfortable, especially the man… I can’t travel outside the country right now anyway, but you are so right about Eat, Love, Pray! I got hungry listening to her!!
I decided to delete the comment I wrote about the sound it made when that guy got off that bike.
Now, Amy, I told you to wear closed-toe shoes on that bicycle! You never know when you might stub your toes on the curb or a pothole or something!
Cute, thanks for the giggles:)
I should have listened because I lost one of those Dr. Scholl’s (and my virginity) on an unavoidable pothole.
I am a FAN. I presently ship my clothes to my family and have a least a two day wardrobe at each of my brothers and sisters homes. Pay for bags, why?
Hi, Victoria, if we used your strategy we could gone for that carriage ride without getting frostbit bums or damaging our foreign relations with Russia!!
I can see a whole new industry: Rental Clothes Counters!
Look for them soon at an airport near you!
Excuse me while I get on the phone with my attorneys and the marketing people …
Pick up your rental car over there (points to left) and your rental clothes over there (points to right). It will all be normal airport signage, like security alert on orange. It’s always orange. What’s up with that? Shouldn’t we be getting better at terrorism threats? The alert should be on beige by now.