I’m at Staples, staring at the graphing calculators, getting horny because, you know me and calculators. A salesman breaks my concentration and says, “Can I help you?”
“Sure,” I say, without looking. The calculator I want is so expensive and sexy it’s locked to the display with a cable. This turns me on even more.
Okay, I can’t fake it anymore. Calculators give me hives. I only know one way to “find x” and it does not require a calculator.
The calculator is for my 14-year old who lost his. I explain this to the salesman, who is a mere child himself. He seems to know these calculators pretty well, so I ask him if he’s in college. He says, “No. I’m in the military.”
Stop. Right. There. Military? He’s just a baby!
“How old are you?”
“Twenty one.”
“What branch?” I ask.
“Army. Reserves.”
“You going over to Afghanistan?”
“Yea. Prolly by the end of the year.”
“You scared?”
“Nah. It takes a lot to get to me.”
“Being surrounded by crazy people who want to kill you isn’t going to stress you out?”
“Nah. That won’t bother me.”
Our chatter gets interrupted by the register that is asking him to input my Staples Rewards Card information.
If I have a Staples card I lost it, so I give him my phone number.
He types it in twice.
I said, “Now don’t you go drunk dialing me from Afghanistan when you get scared and you want me to come get you.”
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My brother fought as a Marine in the Korean war. He enlisted when he turned 18. He never fully recovered from the horrors and atrocities he saw. Ruined his life. War is no country stroll.
How sad. I read something about how the military likes to recruit and send kids -the younger the better – into war zones because they don’t yet have the mental capacity to truly understand the devastation they are about to face and the fact that they might die or get maimed. The last thing to develop in the human brain is this capacity and it doesn’t happen until we’re about 25. It’s an action-reaction-consequences thing. All very, very sad.
That is very sad. No wonder I could not find one tiny shred of fear of what he would find himself in. As I left the store I flash forwarded time, and imagined how he would deal with the post traumatic stress when he got out in six years. I walked through the electric doors on the way out and yelled “Guardian angels watch over you!!”
I looked at the people in line at the next register and they nodded. They overheard our entire conversation.
go back there and hug the kid. He deserves it.
Why did they ask stupid question like “Find X.” Isn’t it obvious where ‘X’ is.
What a great story. Hope he remains safe and well. You will post if he actually calls you, won’t you?
I hope he does.
Me too.
Send Him to LeTourneau University http://www.letu.edu/opencms/opencms/_Admissions/majors-list/
They have some Great Programs. Its also in Longview,Texas. I’m no longer living there but somebody else you know does live there. lol
David?
I have a 14-year old who is constantly losing things – important things – like his Diabetes equipment. Argggghhhh! Is losing things endemic to 14-year old boys? He is such an absent-minded professor, we often joke that he’ll be in the shower wondering which pocket he left the soap in….
We’ve taken to thanking any military we encounter. On a recent trip, the flight attendant walked to a soldier in the row in front of us and invited him to sit up front in an unsold first-class seat. Wonderful!
They never lose the cheap stuff. Curious….
Ed, there is a New Yorker cover I love. I enlarged it and plan to frame it. It’s my son, the absent-minded professor. Maybe our boys will bump into each other, literally, at some engineering school in the future.
I’ll email the cover to you.
That’s so cool. Stories like this one make me cry now, as I’m about to watch my own child head out into the world of the military.
And think of it this way, if he does drunk dial you from Afghanistan, you’ve got a fancy new calculator to figure out how much it’s gonna cost. LOL
It is always an honor to meet one and shake their hand. It takes a certain kind of person to be a soldier. The kind I’d roll out a red carpet for.
What a great post! I love your style. I don’t get by often to comment but I get your post in my inbox and they always brighten my day. Keep them coming.
Typed it in twice? He has definately got it committed to memory and will be calling you for long calculator talks and office supply humor! Maybe you should send him a care package of packing peanuts and staplers? Like how you found X,that would be my thinking too!
I’m going to tuck away that idea, Kim. Me likey.
OMG, that would be so cool! I am a Soldiers’ Angel so I encourage drunk dialing from Afghanistan or Iraq. So I know my soldiers are okay. If you happen to see this guy again, please be sure to say thank you to him!! You are too funny.
I will go out of my way to return to Staples and pass the thanks along for you Tawnya. I didn’t make him blush enough the first time.