Even though I told myself I would never ever do this on a weekend, I found myself, yet again, in the crowded grocery store on Sunday. I needed to go up the bread aisle and there was a man coming my way, pushing a cart. He looked like he wasn’t used to grocery shopping or pushing a cart, or being anyplace, really, other than a golf course or a leather couch, smoking a cigar and dusting off his reading glasses with an Egyptian linen handkerchief that has his initials embroidered on the diagonal of one of the corners.
He had a faraway look on his face. He wasn’t shopping for anything on the shelves that he was looking at, and he wasn’t edging his cart over to make room for mine. He was in mid-something. Mid thought? Mid…and then I smelled it.
He was crop dusting!!
I held my breath, and pushed my cart past his fragrant fart trail, grabbed the hamburger buns and got out of the aisle as quickly as possible.
Had I been with my kids they would have yelled, “Ew! Somebody crop dusted!” And that guy would have known he was busted. Like I couldn’t tell it was him.
He had that same expression my kids used to get when I brought them to the toy store and they held onto the train table, stared into a space only they could see, and filled their diaper.
People, if you’re going to crop dust, do it when you have plenty of get away room and perhaps a cross breeze. Don’t do it in an aisle and then slow walk as if you’re shopping yet you’re not really looking for anything. And get that stupid look off your face!
I really hope Santa gives me a camera for Christmas. I’m bringing it with me next time I go to the grocery. The next crop duster is going on my blog.
“Sir, can you look over here while I take your picture? No, don’t smile. Make that frozen-thought expression like you did in the bread aisle. Yea, that….oh, Jesus! Not again?!”
I’ll have a whole line up of crop dusters on my side bar. Think of it as a public service. If you see this crop duster, run away! I really want my blog to be the place people come to find valuable information — the who and what to avoid when they go out into this mad world. A resource center filled with life (and breath) saving tidbits. That’s the kind of classy broad I am. It has nothing to do with revenge.
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LOL. We have a no cropdusting rule around here. If you emit, you must admit. My husband’s specialty is the Russian Sauna, which involves his foul gas and a small room in which you are trapped. Another specialty: The Hearse (trapped in the car with it). So gross.
I can’t wait for your cropdusting photo blog!
Hey Amy,
Funny as usual and btw I just learnt a new expression, never heard of it before….that was a good laugh …and yes I agree with Brittany don’t want to be in a blog for that…
Keep entertaining!
Laya
The visual is perfect. I used to live near a cranberry bog and planes flew at dawn, and um, crop dusted. I pictured the man, flying down the aisle, also, uh, fertilizing. Ew.
Hey! Following your from blogcatalog.com
Crop dusting.incredible
love it , haha
Someone I work with crop dusts near a persons desk, and then leaves as if nothing happened. It’s like being carpet bombed.
I feel your pain.
Or actually I guess I smell it…
absolutely hilarious, im trying not to laugh out loud, as its very late and im the only one left awake in my house. definitely made my night.. lol
Too funny!! Yes definitely a good thing the kids weren’t around. Mine would have said something if not blamed each other! LOL
mercifully it’s been a while since I’ve had that experience
I have never heard this but now I will be using it daily as Miles ignores the potty, stares into space and dusts his dipe! Man you are funny. And this is nasty! This is so the reason why we girls don’t fart. I do not want to be on a blog for that!
Oh, no! My daughter totally contradicts this. In fact, it almost appears she can do it purposely and finds it quite amusing. *sigh* Her three brothers are her favorite victims…
ROFL! Crop dusting…with four boys – ooops, three boys and one chicken wannabe – I thought I’d heard it *all*. Guess not. LOL!
Hey thanks for looking out for us. It means a lot to me.
Crop dusting. New to me too, but great. I’ll have to remember this one.
I hadn’t heard that term before. Crop-dusting. I love it.
Whenever I crop-dust I make damn sure I look busy and move quickly.I’m long gone before they figure out it’s me. I hope
My 10 yr old son has a new talent – blowing into a straw tucked under his armpit to make an awesome farting noise! I’ll have to tell him about crop dusting. Maybe you can keep a straw in your purse for your grocery outings so you can add the sound effects.
You really shouldn’t plant any ideas like this in my head. You KNOW I’ll try them!!
Crop dusting.
That’s a new one for me.
::snork:::