After seeing Al Gore on 30 Rock — the camera zoomed in on his mouth, chockfull of yellowed teeth that have caved and shifted slightly ever since he lost that Presidential election — look into the camera and say: “Recycle everything”, with the emphasis on e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, I have been his Recycle Everything Ambassador…or Stepford wife.
It feels like the latter. Which makes me shudder. I don’t even think Tipper is a Mormon. But I just had a quick flash of the two of us…oh, nevermind.
I am wrought with guilt every time I throw something away. I’m back to tearing the cellophane window out of the junk mail envelopes so that I can recycle them too, not just their contents.
I bought a drain catcher so I don’t waste any food scraps down the drain that could be tossed in the compost bin while there are starving children…and bio-engineered corn in silos everywhere. I am caught in a twister of big-picturey and minute details at once.
I threw my son’s old crocs in the recycling bin. Al Gore said, “Recycle everything.” I am throwing plastic bags without the chasing arrows in the recycling. It’s my way of saying to the people at the recycling center: “Yes We Can” and “Just do it!” without having to look like Al Sharpton. Get it? Yes We Can, he’s a democrat for Obama and Just Do It because he’s Nike’s athletic wear spokesperson?
He isn’t? Oh. Then why does wear all those…oh, nevermind.
When I threw away my tattered-beyond-all-modesty sweats last week, I pressed them into the pile in the pail under the sink, shut the door on them, and there was Al Gore’s voice, “Recycle e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.” Ding! It’s the Lord, Noah.
I guilt-backpedaled and pulled them out. Did you know one pair of sweats can make a half dozen 12” rags? I placed them in the linen closet where I’ll feel all Al Gore Recycle Everything good about myself next time I reach in there and grab one. I can’t wait to clean again!
Today, however, there was a digression. I don’t know if it’s forgivable. I wadded up two pairs of sweats from Vincent’s drawer that he won’t wear anymore because “they have holes in the knees and the testosterone”, meaning the crotch, and they are beyond repair. Really, Al. They are. I sew, too, but these…no. No can do.
I did not turn them into rags because I already have rags. Al was totally pissed at me. I could have “cut them up into strips and put them in the compost bin!” he said, rising up on the balls of his feet and breathing down his flared nostrils, which are pretty scary when they’re not “aflare”. Tipper deleted the Christmas eCard she was going to send our family. It hurts. They really mean business.
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Mmmmm… cleaning. I love. Did you know that cloth diapers (once used as burp cloths) make really great dusting/cleaning rags once your kiddo is potty trained? They are awesome!
We have required recycling in our town and we do pretty well. I was horrified though, on a vacation to a southern state that will not be named, in the city we were in, no one even considered recycling anything. Made my dubious efforts at home feel pretty insignificant…how can it make up for all that waste? It’s a much bigger state then were I live. After the rags though, I’d give up too.
Oh I get this too. Damn you recycling guilt.
We down graded our trash to the smallest size they make, and upgraded our recycling to the largest size we could. It’s a race to see how fast we can fill that baby up in two weeks.
I feel like each person has to decide what they are willing to sacrifice in the way of Saving The Planet, and try not to let all the things you COULD be doing bog you down.
Nice work on the rag sweats though.
I was walking by the Hudson yesterday early morning and watched a tug boat push a barge full of garbage toward the Atlantic. I wondered where our garbage actually GOES. I have no clue. Huh.
You don’t want to know Deb!
Ha! I keep so much stuff out to guilt too – and ditto on the rags (how much cleaning can 1 single mom do??!). The salvation army is really making out on my stuff – I’ve passed the recycling buck
!
Swati
Hey Amy, I totally relate. I have a hard time throwing so many things away these days. And I know I toss stuff Al would yell at me about. Like you know those plastic caps on milk and juice. What the heck are you supposed to do with those??
I love it. If you’re off the list, then I’m in really big trouble.
I do recycle. Really. In my mind.
Love the post. I needed a good laugh today.
Oh, didn’t you know, you could have used sweat scraps to make homemade paper. Just blend together with your junk mail and make your own Christmas cards!!! LOL!
Dammmit – you could have made quilts out of those ripped sweats. QUILTS! To send to poor kids who don’t have quilts. Anyway, admirable effort all around. If everyone did half as much as you, Al could get his teeth fixed
Al could get new teeth with recycled porcelain from the toilet we have to replace!
You are the Greatest Amy~! As always, I read your Musings, and come away laughing my ass off! Keep up the good work!
Thanks, Jim, because I know you work a ton of hours, so if you’re squeezing me into your day it makes me feel perty speshull.
Better bolt your doors and windows and stash a gun under your pillow. Who knows what retribution they might take.
I think the worst I can expect is Al will start going through my hefty bags and pulling out things I could have recycled. Like that disgusting container from the back of my fridge with the science experiment in it. I know he’s going to pop the lid on that and and make me reuse and recycle, and it’s NOT going to be good.