I don’t pick up the dog shit if I take Maggie out for a walk in the dark. I blame it on daylight savings. I bet if I lived where they didn’t have daylight savings or night, I wouldn’t have this issue. But I can’t see it. And it only occurs to me to bring a flashlight when I’m standing next to my dog while she’s in her yoga position. I bend over with the bag over my hand and feel around. But, honestly, on a scale from one to 10 of Things I Want to Feel Around for in the Dark, dog shit is not even on the chart.
I pee in the shower. What?! It’s cold and every muscle in my body is tense. There’s the running water…I climb in…it’s warm and instantly relaxing. I usually let out an audible “aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!” because it feel soooo good to be in a hot shower when you’re cold. The idea of peeing or not peeing isn’t even a choice. It’s a reflex. Besides, no one is looking.
Frankly, I get to indulge in this not-so-secret-anymore secret indulgence. I’m the only one who cleans the shower. And that pisses me off a tad because four of us use it. I am willing to change my ways. I am willing to attempt to remember to pee in the toilet first. Right after I have mastered remembering to take the flashlight with me on dog walks when the dog is jumping repeatedly at the door. Take me out! Take me out! Take me out right now! Now now now now now now! But the peeing in the shower thing is way down on my list of important things to change in my routine. Besides, it’s just easier to remember which house it was where she crapped on the lawn. Then come back the next morning and look for it. I do so! Quit looking at me like that.
I move from topic to topic and then return to the first topic without warning, as if there were no topics in between. I can’t change that. I grew up in a large family. There are multiple conversations going on at once and we participate in all of the conversations, to varying depths, at once. Is there another way? We’re Conservative Conversationalists. Why give each topic sole air time? That could drag on all night. Who can listen to that? And even if I did stop peeing in the shower while I share it with three other people, I would totally cut loose if they were out of town.
I’m not sure why any of this was cut from the original draft on the About Me page. But someone felt it was too much information. I, however, think it gives people the chance to say, “I pee in the shower, too!” Or, “Amy, you talk about what’s really important!!” Or, “You write about things we only think about but would never say.” I know. I get that a lot.
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I pee in the shower anytime I’m in the shower and feel like it. There’s a drain and a constant stream of cleansing water. Ideal peeing scenario, if you ask me. A perfect urinary storm. I fully support your shower pee.
Sometimes, in the winter, I take a shower not to get clean, but to get the feeling back in my feet. That’s how I roll. Don’t hate me because I’m wasteful! I have bad circulation!
You must have low blood pressure too! I am equally wasteful. I can’t let go of the gym membership because in winter I MUST use the hot tub if I’m going to have to walk a dog. OUT THERE IN THAT COLD!! The dry sauna heats my bones and like hot coals in a bed warmer, they get me through another day. The steam sauna is just for purification. And I need that because I’m such a slut.
…wait wait WAIT!! are you telling me that EVERYONE doesn’t pee in the shower????
[...] thinking of writing an alternate post for my About page like Amy does here on her blog Amy’s Musings. Maybe It will include the part about me talking to and Angel the other [...]
Sooooo funny. I can’t imagine why this didn’t get in your original “About Me” section. I think everyone pees in the shower. It’s just convenience, right? And for us gals, it’s a way to pee standing up–always a party!
I totally pee in the shower. And I don’t even clean the shower. I think it’s my right because I cook dinner and clean the floors.
Although not related even in the least bit, it totally works for me.
I am sure that most people pee in the shower. I know I do haha! Like someone previously said, the water is constantly running and there is soap, and a drain LOL.
LOL!
I used to pee in the shower. I quit when my children started bathing in it. Oh it sounds so wonderful, and perfect mommyish. The truth, however, is that I didn’t want to have to feel guilty about not cleaning the tub this week. Bottom line? I don’t pee because I don’t want to clean. Hey. It works for me. I think I’ll submit that to Works for Me Wednesday.
i too pee in the shower. my fiance just makes me promise not to do it while he’s showering with me. i keep telling him he wouldn’t know if i did…
No!! Nooooo! That’s against peeing-in-the-shower policy! You can’t expose other peoples’ feet to your stream.
ROFL!
I pee in the shower too — there’s quite a bit of water (and soap and shampoo) washing through there, it’s all going down the drain so, eh, so what?
I got a big kick out of this post; it wasn’t too long ago I had a “major discussion” with my sis-in-law about this same topic. She got rid of the family cat who’d peed in the bathtub. She really didn’t like my response: “Just shoot some 409 in there and run the water a little bit to rinse it out, it’s not like my brother ain’t peein’ in there!”
HA! “major discussion” about peeing in the shower. LOL!!
I see you in a whole new light now. what does that mean? I have no idea. As far as the dog crap thing, been there done that and then returned the next day. Only thing more disgusting then warm dog shit is cold dog shit
True that. But it beats feeling around for it in the dark.
I only pee in the shower when I’m pissed my wife…of course the shower isn’t on at the time and, like you, she is the only one that cleans the bathroom.
JEFF! That is brilliant!!!!
Sometimes the important stories are never told.
Thank you for your contribution to humanity.
When my son was born, I did not pee for many, many hours. And I was SHOCKED when the nurse on duty suggested to me that I take a hot shower and try to pee in the shower. I don’t know if she had a dog, though.
Shocked?? Pshawww. Nothing to be shocked about. So, how was your first time?? Was it awesome?
That was hilarious! I am so with you about the dog shit in the dark. I just tweeted the link to this blog, so I hope you get some new readers
Thank you!
I went to church last night for Even Song. The guy in front of me was perturbed because he had dog shit on his shoe and he had brought it into the church. It was pretty smelly. Too bad it wasn’t High Church and the insense would have covered it up. – It was funny watching him spout and shout (in a whisper) as he cleaned it up with paper towels. The best reaction was watching those peps around him trying to pretend that it wasn’t there and nothing was going on! Perpaps it was Maggie’s poop!
By the way, I sometimes pee in the shower too. Shh. It’s a secret.
I have never walked my dog anywhere near your church. It’s the one on the corner, right? With the dog poop on the lawn next to the lamppost. About five steps from the sidewalk? Yea. I don’t know anything about that. Wish I could help.
Amy you really are funny. I didn’t know that America had rules about dog shit because here in India, the rule is if you don’t like your neighbour, make your dog shit at their gate…:)See how spiritually inclined Indians are( I’m talking about the real one)LOL
What animal’s excrement do you use when you DO like your neighbor??