We didn’t know our garage was being used as a crack house until this weekend when we cleaned it out. Judging by how long we’ve had some of the lawn products where we discovered the evidence, this appears to be a two-year operation.
We wouldn’t have suspected a thing if Skye hadn’t purchased a leaf blower two weekends ago. He finally bought one to prepare the driveway before he applied the sealant. I’ve secretly wanted a leaf blower since last year when I saw a neighbor using one to “sweep” his garage. If I had a leaf blower I, too, could have a garage in museum condition. You know, in keeping with the house.
How did our garage become like one of those garages that I peer into on my dog walks and wonder about the mental health of the homeowner? Choked with athletic gear the boys never touch. Wheeled toys they’ve outgrown mounted on the walls like deer heads. We were so proud when we bagged them but now they just hang on the wall and mock us. The back of the garage is worse. Cluttered with miscellaneous crap Skye and I place with the intention of it being only temporary. I’ll bring that to Goodwill…this coming…later…
If we didn’t get that leaf blower, in just a few more years of this madness our garage could look like Connie the Hoarder’s. Connie is my 65-year old neighbor who lives alone. One curb treasure at a time, Connie has buried half of her garage, leaving just enough room to pull her car in and out. There used to be a path earlier in the year but, after all the summer yard sales, I think she gets in and out of her car by crawling under it.
Who am I to judge? While Connie’s garage is storing useless crap, ours is a crack den. In the middle of winter mice discovered the grass seed and the earth friendly corn gluten fertilizer we had stashed in the back. They even got into the weed killer. I noticed a large hole in the bag as I was moving all the lawn care items to their designated spot, instead of along the back wall where someone — whose name I won’t mention because my husband’s co-workers are now reading my blog — had put them. I didn’t see any dead mice nearby the mound of poison. This could only mean one thing. They’re getting high on this shit. Weed killer is like crack for mice.
Evidence of extravagant mouse orgies was sprawled about the toxic mound. Shredded plastic bags and twine where they’d made mad crackhead love were strewn about. Next to that were remnants of Chex mix and Jell-O shots. Crack house by night, bed and breakfast by day.
We shut that party down yesterday. The garbage cans are overflowing. Things we should have thrown out years ago are gone. Toys have been dropped off on a neighborhood church’s doorstep. I wrote on the sides of the box “Free Toys!” I think the exclamation mark will make them feel lucky, and hopefully they won’t kick the box and say, “Not again! Do I look like a dump to you!?”
Today is the day I’ve been waiting for for the last year when I first saw the leaf blower put to use as a broom. I get to don the WWI gas mask, mount that motorcycle engine on my back and blast all evidence of mouse merriment and homeowner neglect in one big billowy cloud, like Pigpen on the Peanuts, only motorized and on a mission.
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very nice gread article thanks
Nice post. Glad my dog didn’t get into your garage; he’ll eat most things – and then often regrets it!
Laughing my head off, because where was I on September 22 but blowing out the garage…and the acorns off the patio. Sadly, we also have a basement.
What is it with garages? We clean ours out twice a year but it always ends up a diaster zone! I like to get rid of things to but then sometimes I have an argument with myself to toss or not to toss! I hate that. But I think its my husband. He likes to get it all clean and then gets lazy and lets it go! Is there a service out there that will maintain your garage?? There should be one!
I am still laughing at the ‘extravagent mouse orgies’~!~
too funny… my garage is probably just like that ,but I don’t go in…. I may not get out!!
I am all about tossing things as soon as they are no longer needed. Go, go, go, I’m a bit nuts that way
Hilarious post! But now I’m seriously frightened to clean out our garage. It sounds much like your “before” description of yours. If I find any crack-head=rodents or even evidence, I’ll have to move.
For my fix of organizational heaven I spend an hour in the Container Store enjoying the calm and dreaming about how I too could achieve it if I bought every device they offer and had a pantry as big as another kitchen. Ahh…
That is great, and, oh boy–can I relate! That purgatory before the Salvation Army/Good Will trip that never quite seems to happen. Thanks for inspiring me to (maybe) do something about mine!
Hilarious! I can’t believe the poison didn’t KILL them!
That is hilarious!!!! I always love it when you send links via LinkedIn. Keep sending them. You always make me laugh.
Now I, too, must search for the mice crack den, so I can get a leaf blower. Or maybe a snow blower since it is getting close to winter.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Angela! Don’t forget the goggles, either! Or the WWI gas mask!
LOL! Boy, do I know that feeling. I don’t even go INTO my husband’s garage unless it’s a national emergency – which most often arrives in the form of his head peeking out the side door and shouting, “honey, have you seen my 3/8″ socket? I can’t find it anywhere!” I swear It’s organized by the forces of gravity and the space-time continuum. I’d go for a leaf-blower, for sure – heck, we might even have one in… that.. place.
I love reading your blog you always bring a smile to my face. Our garage a nightmare,um ya hate opening it up cause it is embarrassing to the max. One of these days I will get in there and organizing it.
Grissell
stay-at-homemomwhoknew.blogspot.com
Honestly, organization is my middle name. It feels so good to clean up. I laughed when you said, “Like Pigpen on Peanuts!”
I think the exclamation mark *will* make them feel lucky. I can’t wait to use that trick too!
Mmmmm… I love organizing. I even love reading about other people organizing. It makes the knots in my stomach go away. All is okay with the world if the chaos is organized, right? (I think I have a problem.)
I love reading your stuff. xoxo.
I must have the same problem. When my world feels upside down I soothe myself with before and after photos on HGTV’s website.