It may surprise you to find out these critical, little known facts about getting a haircut:
a) never tell them how many years it has been since your last haircut. They’ll cut off that many years of growth;
b) never admit to having cut your hair yourself. No one can recover from that sort of first impression;
c) do not dress like a stay-at-home mom. They will give you a cut as inspiring as your sweatpants;
d) never give one word answers and close your eyes, expecting to relax while they pamper you. You have to actively personify the style you hope to get. Put on a lame performance, it will reflect in the job they do. If you learn nothing from this blog, learn that.
Ever so mindful of this last point, I carefully worded my end of the conversation. Instead of saying, I noticed in the giant mirror in tap class how crappy my bangs look after I cut them myself, I just mentioned that I am taking a tap class with a group of friends.
Then she told me a about a Mexican restaurant downtown, where she took salsa classes on Friday nights with a friend of hers who had no previous dance experience and learned to be a great dancer. To which I had to say, “Oooh, that sounds like fun! Where is this again?”
See that? See how I made it sound like I was the type to leave my quiet, safe, predictable, suburban neighborhood after dark to go downtown where all the hip people with cool haircuts go?
As soon as I sounded downtown she started a completely different technique with the scissors. Coincidence? She sectioned off and cut row after row of hair using a layering technique that I’ve only seen on Tabatha’s Salon Takeover on Bravo.
We talked about our dogs and the oddest foods they’ve gotten into, about composting and gardening, kids and married life. The more we talked, the more I realized how much we have in common and the less I put any effort into performing. I eased into being just myself and lost track of all the keywords I was giving her — which would undoubtedly determine the outcome of this haircut.
You know how when you open your fridge and in the vegetable drawer you see lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion? What do you think? Salad, of course. Apparently, when you say tap class, dog, curly hair, work-at-home, blogger, children, you get what I got. I walked out of there looking like the lead in Annie, ready to sing and tap: “The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrooooooow, there’ll be suuuuuun…”
This brings me to:
e) If you have curly hair, do not mention tap. Go with belly dancing, rumba, samba, salsa, mambo, cha cha cha. Bet your bottom dollar, don’t say tap.
How hilarious, you made going to a lala land salon fun for yourself, awesome… my barber totally ticks me off for even daring to tidy my rampant hairy neck: “WHO’S TOUCHED THIS!?” but in Italian.
I usually cut my own hair, like yourself, and dared to let someone else cut it last summer. I walked out looking like a curly Little Lord Fauntleroy. I haven’t let anyone else touch it since! I hope it grows out for you very soon, despite the fact that I’m sure you still look gorgeous. xoxoxox.
P.S. That song from Annie. All of the kids on my school bus burst out singing that when I got on after my mom gave me a perm in the 7th grade. Red, already really wavy hair and perms don’t mix. I was like a young, ginger Macy Gray!
From one curly head to another…”Tomorrow, tomorrow, there’s always tomorrow, it’s only a day away…” Oops, bad news. With hair cuts it’s six weeks away…
I do cut my own fringe just to avoid going until I really look too bad.
I have given up hope, cheap, expensive, they never ever look at the shape of my head and what style suits.
However one time I had a victory.
I told the hairdresser that he really had to do his best and a good job as it was for a photo shoot for photos on my website and it was for my financial survival. Then I shut up and let him to it.
Man, did he do a good job; he charged more for it but that I did not mind.
Make them responsible for your survival, sex or whatever will push their button, make them responsible!!!!
I went for a haircut/color today – same thing ever appointment: I say could you please cut it a little shorter, not too dark on the color and I part it on the left side vs. right. Usually it is never cut short enough (today the length was perfect?!!), she went darker and it’s parted on right. Am I surprised? No. But with curly hair, I just didn’t think it matters – now, after reading your blog I find out it does matter!!??! Oh Amy.
Can’t wait to see it!
Poor sweetie – I have been thru so many bad haircuts – the good news is it will grow. I know Chia Pets grow, too, so that’s not very helpful, but hang in there. Or can you try some of the little hairclips to give it some interest? Or maybe start wearing a pith helmut – since your’e pithed about your hair anyway! I like to show my hairdresser a picture from one of her books and then sit back and watch her turn me into something completely different – ugh – that’s why I’ve been growing out my hair for the last 9 months – now if I don’t like it I pull it into a ponytail and voila I’m done. Love ur blog – cheers!
Photos, woman!
Oh Amy, I am so sorry, but glad I found your link this morning, you make me laugh. I am one of those scissor weilding bitches… and I swear I will come over there and fix her for you! I would fix your hair too. Sorry she was so unaware of you and your needs. I thought they taught everyone that went to school not to put too many layers in curly hair…so not a good idea.
Take care, do you need me to send you a wig?
LOL
I’ll email you my address where you can send the wig. Something that goes down to the middle of my back and takes 20 years off would be nice. Thanks!
There is a product called Deva Curl. Made for the curly haired lady! Find a salon that carries that product call them and ask them if they have anyone that has been to a class on that product…Deva Curl. There are so many cool hair cutting techniques that the teach for curly hair only! Their main salons are in NYC and they only do the curly haired! Someone that has been thru their classes would never screw your hair up! I need to find the website here…http://www.devaconcepts.com/products/
The diffuser is oh so cool! Looks like a big green hand. Products smell good too!
Sorry I rambled, just was flipping thru some product info packets and this one made me think of you!
*sigh* It’s a fresh hell every time I go. -For the list of Do NOTs: Never, ever, ev…ERRRRRRR! Tell them that you’re about to go to your High School Reunion. This is an invitation to help you accept, in advance, that you still suck and always will, and that indeed, just like your Granny said, “They’re all going to laugh at you!”
Sadistic, scissor wielding bitches:(
So then, blogging two days in a row about how much I hate my haircut wouldn’t be over the top?
I’m wondering how much shoes matter in the mix. After the cape drape, there isn’t much peeking out as inspiration during the cut. This is where the make-up becomes critical. You’ll hate yourself less staring at a well-done face and the stylist will not be able to discount that heavy-handed eyeliner–so not stay-at-home mom. But do you really want my advice? I’m wearing a baseball cap, as well. (But I won’t be later today)
I was wearing poorly applied coral-colored toenail polish in open-toed sandals that I wear on dog walks. My bad.
This is so timely. Thanks, Amy. I’m in a small town in Washington State this week and planning to walk into the salon just up the street from the hotel TOMORROW. I’ll talk tango and see what I get.
Say Tango Instructor on Cable. So they get the idea that millions will see your haircut so don’t screw it up. Just a thought…as I sit here wearing a baseball cap at 7:30am in the privacy of my home. THAT’S how bad this is. Even I can’t look at it when I’m still half asleep.