I did something I never thought I’d do, especially after all the letters I’d written, the calls I made, the interviews I had, not to mention shoving my post-partum body in a pre-pregnancy suit, strapping my three-month old baby to my chest and hoisting a stroller down the steps of the state Capitol, to testify against this vaccine mandate in front of the Senate Health Committee. But last week, my 13-year old son received his first dose of the very vaccine I protested against.
And I don’t want to hear it from either side of the vaccine issue. I was not one of those women who judged people for not vaccinating their children, for choosing only some vaccines, or for getting every single one. The only time I would express concern is if someone did several shots at a time, and one or more of those was a cocktail – a shot that contains more than one virus, such as the MMR or the DPT. It took a lot of self-talk to get to that point, especially since the first book I read about vaccines was A Shot in the Dark by Harris Coulter and Barbara Loe Fischer, and it totally flipped me out.
I wasn’t always non-judgy about people who chose to vaccinate on schedule without doing any research. But by the time my oldest was about a year old, I realized that I just didn’t want that topic to be a button for me anymore. It was not my job to save or educate or convince or change anyone. There are certain decisions that every one needs to be left alone about. Medical decisions and affairs of the heart top the list.
I will say that my son handled it much more bravely than I. After the nurse came in and stuck his arm with the needle and he didn’t flip out or protest or even say “ow,” I hugged him and said, “Look! I didn’t cry!” My heart was palpitating. I was hyperventilating on the inside. But I survived and he made it easy for me.
James jumped down off the table and yelled in his new manvoice to the nurse who was already halfway down the hall, “Get this woman a sticker! She didn’t cry!”
I said to the doctor beforehand, “Do you see the irony here? This is the vaccine I passionately testified against in front of Senators and lobbyists and doctors and nurses! I’m shaking.”
I love this doctor. He is how I imagined Opie Taylor would be when he left Mayberry to become a doctor — caring and understanding, simple and kind.
“I understand,” he said quietly. “But if he gets the chickenpox at this age, he’ll be out of school for two to three weeks.”
I know this. I knew, even when I was protesting against mandating this vaccine for all Ohio kindergarteners, that if my son didn’t get the disease by the time he was 13, he’d get the shot.
He never got the disease. The chickenpox circulated preschool and he missed his chance to get lifetime immunity. Because all his elementary school mates were getting the vaccine, James didn’t get the disease in the safest window.
In 25 days, he gets a second dose. I have decided to get the second dose. My husband has been waiting for this moment since the boys were born. I’ll just space them out, close my eyes, pray, like I did all those times my sisters’ and friends’ kids got their shots.
I still think I did the right thing by postponing. James had a very fragile system up until as recently as last year. Even after three months of allergy shots, he is still covered in hives.
When James was teething, I gave him a children’s pain reliever and he had a seizure-like reaction to the red dye. He has always had his fingers and toes on the autism spectrum. And with all the controversy about mercury and the MMR, I didn’t want to step on that landmine. I didn’t want to risk doing damage to my child that I couldn’t undo.
I knew in every cell of my body, in my heart and soul, that I had to think about this decision differently with this child than most parents need to with theirs. I had to honor that knowing. It may sound late to some people but for my child, we’re right on schedule.
When James was sitting on the exam table, watching me explain to the doctor the irony of requesting the very vaccine whose mandate I fought passionately to defeat, I glanced over at him and realized he was nodding. He can testify. He was only four, but he remembers. We’ve grown up together, my son and me. We’ve witnessed each other come a long way, make some big shifts, giant leaps. How lucky is that?
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I agree about having the choice to vaccinate or not rather than being mandated. I was worried for a while when there were talks of the HPV vaccine being mandatory. I’m glad it’s not now because I am taking the sit and wait stance right now on whether my daughters should get the vaccine or not. Their doctors have been selling the vaccine everytime we go in for a check up but I still say we need to hold off.
You deserve that sticker
I think this is the one thing so many people don’t get, you protested to give the right to choose how and when it was right for your child.
Your child needed to wait and have the opportunity to get it on his own; he didn’t so now his body is strong enough to handle the vaccine.
You didn’t protest the vaccine itself, just the mandate. It MUST be given by this time.
I have had many an argument with people who cannot understand my view on very personal issues that the government wants to regulate or mandate.
NO, I DON’T think certain things are morally right, ethical, or whatever. But it is MORE wrong for me to force my view or for my government to force my views’ rules on other people.
Protesting the constant reigning in of the people with more and more rules that are made by special parties is the right thing to do. The governments so far have been going about this the wrong way…
We should stick to enforcing the major rules that effect everyone; like
-don’t kill, rape, maim, pillage, steal from, or otherwise hurt our fellow citizens.
-learn how to read, write, do math, understand history, and communicate with the world around you and
-work, be reliable, produce something of value, honor what others produce, appreciate
Then we can all get some stickers!
James–yet again–ROCKS! “Get this woman a sticker!” ? Priceless.
I agree with Tawni–I quit judging parents a LONG time ago: despite all the Dr. Spocks and Joseph Chilton Pierces out there, babies don’t come with a manual and we all just kind of find our own path with our children.
Whatever works.
(Unless you’re Caycee Anthony. DON’T get me started.)
I used to think a book would come in handy but really, they’re all so different… we’re all so different, what good would a book do us? There is no way to judge another parent for sure! ha I can’t even judge myself as a parent, I’m doing things differently with my youngest than I did with either of my other two simply because I’m a different person than I was before. I think, man why didn’t I do that before? or Why didn’t I remember to do that? So I learned to just tell my kids they are my guinea pigs, I do animal testing… tag they’re it. *wink*
I have always thought the chicken pox vaccine ridiculous. But since everyone around us was getting it knew we’d have little chance of catching it. Only after getting the vaccine did I learn about pox parties where you intentionally expose your kids to someone with chicken pox. Wish I had known of those before so we could have done it.
One of the first things I did upon becoming a parent was to stop judging other people’s parenting decisions as much. (“I would never do that,” was soon replaced with, “Whatever works for you, friends. This parenting thing is really hard.”) Every parent, child, relationship and situation is different and this piece is a perfect illustration of this.
I also think your son yelling for them to get his very brave mom a sticker is quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.